5 Tips to Boost Confidence

Confidence image

Have you ever watched a self-confident woman enter a room? Did you notice the purposeful walk, the smile that says “I’m here in all my glory” without seeming cocky or boastful? Did you also notice how she seemed to look into the eyes of everyone she passes with a genuine greeting and smile? Did you pay attention to how she seemed to focus intently on the person she was talking to?

Have you ever witnessed someone like that woman and wondered “how does she come across so confident”? “What’s her secret”?

Confident people make mistakes – they admit to it; they know who they are – warts and all. When an end result is uncertain, confident people will say, “I’ll try” because they know they will likely succeed and if they don’t, they feel they will succeed another time. People who lack self-confidence believe they will fail before even trying. Those who are overconfident believe it is their right to succeed without having to work for it.

You can choose to act as though you have confidence even if you don’t feel confident at the moment. Watch people you think have confidence and emulate them. The external images are the same for a truly confident person and one who is posing as confident. In other words, fake it until you make it…

The more you practice being confident, the more others will perceive you as confident and the more you will believe you are confident. The confidence you were pretending to have becomes more authentic and leads to more confidence.

You can start today to display more self-confidence in your life. Here are five tips to boost your confidence immediately.

1. Walk Tall: You can tell how a person feels about herself by the way she walks. Is it sluggish, weary, uneasy? Or is it full of life and resolute? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important.

2. Stand up Straight: Likewise, the way a person carries herself also tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and ill at ease actions usually are lacking self-confidence. They don’t think of themselves as significant and lack passion about what they are doing. Practice good posture and you will automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You will make a positive impression on others and immediately feel more alert and powerful.

3. Be Grateful: Devote some time each day to list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success. When you focus too much on what you don’t have, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude.

4. Express Yourself: By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you will become a better public speaker, and more secure in you own thoughts and ideas.

5. Take a Front Seat: In any assembly, group, or classroom, most people tend to avoid sitting at the front of the room. The back of the room is preferable because they are fearful that they will be noticed or called upon. This reflects a lack of self-confidence. Making the decision to sit in the front row confronts this irrational fear head on and at the same time, builds self confidence.

Remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day. Practice building self confidence and if you falter, get right back up and try again! I promise you it will get easier.

For more tips like these, join us in our Self-Care Circle to stay updated.

What’s in Your Self-Care Toolbox?

What’s in your self-care toolbox? Just as you have physical tools to complete tasks and projects, you also use tools that help you maintain your self-care.

You probably have a computer, smartphone, e-reader or other tool that you use to stay organized, focused, entertained and on track.  These are the same tools that once were considered faddish, sophisticated or out of reach for the average user.

Yet, most of us can’t imagine our lives without our cell phones, electronic calendars, music players and game consoles.

Can you recall what it was like to connect with your long distance family and friends or even conduct business before we had Skype, Facebook, e-mail, or webcams?  These are the tools that are so ingrained in our everyday lives that we now take them for granted.

I may be dating myself, but I can recall when we wrote letters that took 5-7 days to reach the recipient or the days when my long distance charges could feed several families in a third world country.

Tools serve a useful purpose in our daily lives. And in most cases, tools make our lives easier and more manageable. Our self-care toolbox is as essential as the scissors we use to cut paper and fabric or hammers and nails to hold things together.

In other words, a tool can be considered anything that helps us get the job done whether it’s a physical task or the emotional job of living your best life.

For instance, here are some of the things I have in my self-care toolbox that help me to stay organized, focused, accountable and inspired:

  • A journal for recording thoughts, desires, and feelings that otherwise I might forget
  • Passion about the things I love
  • Humor for the time when life trips me up
  • Calendar to make sure I adhere to a schedule
  • Kindness to offset hurtful behaviors and harsh words
  • Address book so I don’t have to remember a multitude of cell phone numbers, home phone numbers, email addresses and birthdays
  • Gratitude journal to remind me to be thankful for what I already have
  • Affirmations to replace negative, limiting and scarcity filled messages
  • Patience for the times when I’m irritable and rushed
  • Quotes and inspirational writings for the times I need uplifting
  • Good friends whom I can call on for encouragement and support
  • Commitment to finding a way to make it happen

What’s in your self-care toolbox?

And, to get another helpful tool for your self-care toolbox, I invite you to join our self-care circle and get your FREE Special Report, 50 Tips You Can Use To Inspire, Rejuvenate and Motivate Everyday

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Gladys Anderson helps singles and couples to receive, renovate and restore the love, passion, respect and fun that’s been missing from their relationship with partners, family members, friends, co-workers, children and neighbors so they can create a crystal clear vision for their life and satisfying relationships they truly want.

How Much Clutter Can You Stand

Cluttered Garage

I’m sure, like me, you’ve asked yourself many times, “how much stuff do I really need” or said, “I have way too much stuff” or “I need to get rid of some of this clutter.”

How much clutter can you stand?

Every year my town offers a shredding day where old papers, checks, junk mail and other useless papers are recycled into a large travelling truck. And each year as I round up all these worthless pieces of paper for the shredder truck, I can’t help but wonder how I manage to accumulate so much stuff.

Maybe, you are organized and don’t accumulate clutter. If so, congratulations! But most of us find ourselves with more “stuff” than we know what to do with.

Even though there are times when I can proudly say I’ve streamline my stuff and got rid things I no longer find useful, beautiful or interesting, I still find myself surrounded by some clutter!

And I’ll bet you do too!

Does any of this stuff sound familiar to you?

  • An overstuffed closet filled with relics that you know you won’t ever wear or fit into again
  • The drawer stuffed with enough pens, pencils, staples and tape to supply 10 small offices for a year
  • Furniture stored in the attic or basement that is broken or you no longer want or use
  • Stacks of all occasion cards you’ll forget to send
  • Hundreds of obsolete cassette tapes on which you have nothing to play them
  • A bookshelf lined with books you won’t read or re-read
  • Toys you’re holding on to even though your children are all grown up
  • Old magazines that by now you’ve forgotten the article you wanted to save

Ask yourself:

If I didn’t have all this clutter, what spaces would open up for me to have more of the things that really matter to me the most?

It all comes down to what you really need to foster the best results for your life!

I’m not talking about the individuals who amass an excessive amount of possessions that are hazardous, worthless or unsanitary and causes peril in their daily living (i.e., showering, cleaning, cooking, sleeping). This type of compulsive behavior is mental health disorder known as hoarding.

Most of us don’t fall into that category.

Those of us who have too much stuff generally lead busy, hectic lives with limited time and energy to pare down and de-clutter.

From time to time, we’ve all experienced a cluttered workspace or home environment.  But, I have learned to question my thoughts and examine what else may be going on in my life when clutter leads to disorganization and overwhelm. For example, when I let my desk get cluttered, it usually means I’m procrastinating. It’s important to consider what underlying thoughts you have about cluttering. For instance, if you constantly send messages to yourself that you’re sloppy, disorganized and unproductive, you’ve successfully trained your mind to respond to a belief that limits you from taking action. Or the underlying belief may be that having all of your “things” out where you can see them gives you a feeling of control.

You may want to find out if your town has a shredding day so you can begin the process of getting rid of some of your stuff – the unnecessary papers –  so you can make room to thrive and grow. You will think clearly, create more order in your surroundings and free up energy to focus on the things that are most important to you.

And, to help you take charge of clutter and have more personal control in your life, I invite you to get my book: Master the Genie Within: Uncover, Embrace and Celebrate the Real You” for more tips, insights and guidance.

What are you willing to do now to start getting rid of some of your “stuff”

 

Gladys Anderson is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, consultant and workshop facilitator.
She works with individuals and couples who want to receive and revive the love, passion, respect and fun that’s been missing from their relationships.

Make Time For Self Care

Making time for self-care is one of the first things we give up when life gets hectic and our energy level is low. With all the attention we give to taking care of others, juggling tasks, meeting deadlines and being responsible, it’s no wonder we often feel there’s no space in our busy schedules left for us.

And, as we take on more and more, we begin to feel like our lives are unmanageable and overwhelmed by all of the constant demands that take up our precious energy.

You may think you don’t have the stamina for self-care but when you start to take care of yourself first, you’ll be surprised at how much more energy you have to take care of everything else.

Here are three quick tips to create the space you need for self-care:

  • Silence – Spend just a few minutes sitting quietly reading or with you feet up yield untold benefits in reducing stress.  Quiet reflection is an ESSENTIAL part of your self-care.

 

  • Schedule space for You – When you get overly tired, stressed, frustrated and anxious, that’s a signal that you need to relax and rejuvenate.  Make sure you allow an interval in your busy schedule to replenish so you’ll be able to handle whatever crops up.

 

  • Resiliency – Resiliency means you are able to make adjustments and bounce back quickly when difficulties arise.  One of the biggest causes of stress is rigid expectations for yourself and others. When you’re resilient, you’re like the tree that bends in the winds but you’re less likely to break.

These simple changes can make a huge impact on your well-being and your inner state of being.  You may also want to take a look at situations in your outer life to see if changes need to be made that can help support your inner work. For example, you may decide to relinquish certain responsibilities that no longer serve you or that you no longer find enjoyable especially if it’s an energy drainer and time stealer.

Make time for self care in your busy schedule and you will experience a greater feeling of contentment, satisfaction and harmony.

And, to get more self-care tips and life enrichment tools and resources that will renovate your relationships with partners, family members, co-workers and friends, I invite you to get my book, Master the Genie Within: Uncover, Embrace and Celebrate the Real You.

Until next time…

Gladys Anderson helps individuals and couples to renovate their relationships with partners, family members, friends and co-workers.

3 Tips to Set Strong Boundaries

Your boundary is the invisible shield you put up to protect the many demands placed on your time, energy, and resources.

Visualize your boundary as a shield that protects you from energy drainers, time takers and resource stealers. Protect your boundaries by learning to say NO.

Begin setting strong boundaries by using these 3 tips:

Practice – Practice saying NO.  You always have the power to say NO to any request just as others have the power to say NO to your requests. When you say NO to a request for money, time, gifts or commitments, you are in essence asserting your power and authenticity.  You get to set your own boundaries. You take charge of your time, energy and resources. If you are in the habit of saying YES when you would rather say NO, it may not be easy for you to begin saying NO. But by practicing saying NO you’ll find that you’re relieved from over-commitment, guilt, and frustration and free up time for you to engage in the activities that are meaningful to you. Saying no to things you would rather not do is like giving yourself a high five!

Prioritize – Take charge of your time – when you are asked to run the PTA bake sale and you are already organizing the class reunion, tutoring, and going to school at night, saying NO to those things that will tax your energy, time and resources will give you the freedom to make choices based on what’s most important to you. You might say something like, “Thanks for thinking of me but I have another commitment” or “I won’t be able to do “that” this time.

Taking control of how you spend your time is essential to setting strong boundaries.

Patience – Old habits die hard, especially when you have been mired in the same old pattern for years. Be gentle with yourself and allow for setbacks but keep in mind you’re in charge. Change will be difficult for the people around you too. They want you to keep doing, giving and saying yes.  This is how they get their needs met. Look at the changes you are making as if it were a dance: Women are used to following in a dance, right.  Just picture yourself as the leader; you’re leading the way to healthy boundary making.  So when you change your step in the dance, the other person must change theirs – either they follow your lead or they don’t, but you’re still in charge. So, why not take the lead and show others the way?

And, to get more tips and life enrichment, tools and resources to renovate your relationships with partners, family members, co-workers and friends, I invite you to get my latest book, Master the Genie Within

Until Next time

Gladys Anderson helps individuals and couples to renovate their relationships with partners, family members, friends and co-workers

In Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony – Gandhi

Most people expend a great amount of time looking for happiness in all the wrong places . They chase dreams rather than live dreams. Their lives are stimulated only by addictions, religions, and even other people in a futile attempt to fill the void with purpose and meaning. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.

Happiness is a state of mind based on how worthy you feel. How you feel about yourself is a direct result of the accumulated experiences you have had, particular growing up.  For instance, if you grew up being made to feel worthy, valued, loved, protected and respected, most likely you feel happier.

On the other hand, if your experiences led you to feeling unworthy, unloved and disrespected, you may be unhappy, have low self esteem, weak boundaries and lack confidence.

Your internal critic (the negative messages received and embedded in your subconscious) may attempt to sabotage your happiness quotient which will in turn affect your level of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Self confidence is the realistic and positive expectations you have for yourself, your abilities and others. Self confident people exude a sense of control in their lives.

Self esteem is what you think of yourself.  If you think you are insignificant, unworthy, devalued, that is the perception you will also present to the world. How you allow yourself to be treated and the way you show up to the world has the greatest impact on your self esteem. No one can make you a doormat unless you willingly lie down.

Fear is another negative influence that dictates how you feel, think and interact in your relationships with others.  Each time, you don’t speak up for what you deserve, want and need, you allow fear to rule.  Fear is an emotion and one that you have complete control over.  Your choices are to let fear rule or you rule fear.  Fear is the biggest obstacle to growth and change.

Procrastinating and putting off needed actions you believe you must take, is acknowledging that you really don’t have the necessary confidence to carry them out.

Your happiness depends on the expectations and mindset you have about happiness.

To quote the actress, Betty Davis – “You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation.”

Here are some tips to get your happy dance on…

  • Maintain a sense of humor; everything is not a matter of life or death. Try to find the humor in stressful situations.
  • Lower your worry quotient.  Worrying about things over which you have no control will overwhelm and deplete you. Concentrate on the things you have control over. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you must worry, allow yourself 5 minutes to dwell on the situation and move on to something more productive.
  • Be flexible.  Things will not always go the way you want but if you are adaptable, you won’t raise your blood pressure by trying to have it your way. Allow for a change in plans.
  • Schedule wisely. Don’t add more things into your day than you can reasonably handle.  Over scheduling leads to frustration, anger and resentment.  Avoid it. Set clear boundaries around your time.
  • Happiness is a series of choices you make that determine how you react or respond to a given situation.  Remember, no one but you can determine your happiness.  Make wise choices based on the things that are important to you.
  • Set realistic  expectations for yourself and others. Make sure your expectations aren’t rooted in faulty beliefs based on negative experiences.

 

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

About the Author:

Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist.  Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries,  build balance and create breathing space in their busy lives.