TIP: How to Create a Strong Financial Boundary

A major stress for many people in these challenging economic times is money.  How do you view money?  Do you have an easy come easy go attitude, are you a thrifty spender or are you burdened with debt? Whatever your view of money is, the following tip may be helpful to get or keep your finances in order.

TIP: Spending more than one earns is a recipe for accumulating massive debt.  Create a budget and stick to it.  Track your spending for a month so that you know where your money is going.  You may be surprised at how much you spend on coffee, snacks and non-essentials.

If you are in the habit of saving a portion of your income, congratulations and keep up the good work.

Eliminate credit cards – Create a short and long term plan to pay off outstanding credit cards. Not only will you be free from debt but you will also gain a new found sense of freedom.

About the Author:

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist.  Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries,  build balance and create breathing space in their busy lives.

TIP: How to Simplify and Systematize Your Space Boundary

TIP:  De-clutter your surroundings by getting rid of clogged files, clothes you no longer can wear, old costume jewelry, and other things that you no longer find useful, enjoyable or serve to enhance your life.

Create a system for everything; organize files and folders – You can create folders and rules in your e-mail so that you can easily find key contacts and their emails.

Donate clothes to a worthwhile charity.

Getting rid of clutter creates space to receive more of what you really want in your life.

About the Author:

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist.  Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries,  build balance and create breathing space in their busy lives.

What I learned About Boundaries From Larry, the Cable Guy

Yesterday evening I picked up my phone poised to dial out and there was dead silence…no dial tone, no static…nothing…

My first thought was I had inadvertently disconnected one of the many tangled cords underneath my desk. If you’ve ever had to crawl around into the abyss under your desk on your hands and knees, you know this is no small feat.

With flashlight in hand, I checked each of the sundry connections making sure they were all housed in their respective homes.  From my non-techy vantage point, everything looked to be in order.

Time to place a call to the provider of my phone service, which is also my cable company.

With cell phone in had, I make the call.  Little did I know this was just the beginning of my saga into the world of techno phone land.  After three attempts, I finally get a “live” person and tell my story to numerous “technical support” people, including “supervisors”.  No one could troubleshoot the problem from his or her end. And they couldn’t restore my service that night.

Eventually, I was told that a technician would have to come out to investigate since they couldn’t detect any problems.  I reluntantly made an appoinment for the next morning.

To say I was upset is putting it mildly…

Promptly, at the appointed time, the cable guy arrived.

Once he made the required checks and counterchecks, he was able to discover the problem.

I had connected the phone line to the wrong opening on the modem!

Egg all over my face…

So what did my experience with Larry, the cable guy teach me about boundaries?

  • I learned to pay close attention to where I plug in cords. It could have saved me a $30 service call!  I was also reminded of  the things we plug into – like time takers – rushing, holding on to clutter and disorganization.    Had I used those fancy doodads that keeps cords tangle free, I might have saved myself some precious time. Pay attention to what you plug into your life. Make sure you have your boundaries established and enforce them before you get tangled up in situations that will cost you in time, energy and resources.
  • I learned to ask for help even if I have to wear egg on my face, Technology is not my area of expertise I can’t do everything in all situations.   Know your limitations and seek expert help when you need it.  Asking for help from the people who are good at what they do means that you give yourself permission to do the things that make you an expert and the freedom to pursue your passions.
  • I learned to practice patience. I confess, I’m still learning this lesson… Waiting on hold and explaining the same problem to several people gives me lots of practice. I keep the stress bunnies at bay when I practice patience.  When life hands you lemons – make lemonade. Use waiting time like a breath of fresh air.  Inhale deeply and relax for a few minutes to clear away the nasty little irritations, and relieve stress.
  • You can learn something in almost any situation when you take the time to process it.  When you are in the midst of chaos, anxious and stressful situations, stop just long enough to see if there might be a lesson in there for you.

The next time you’re on hold long enough to go make a sandwich, eat it and have some dessert. Remember you’re learning a lesson and once you learn it well you won’t have to repeat it.

What lesson have you learned today?  Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below and share this post with your friends.

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

About the Author:

Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist.  Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries, build balance and create breathing space into their busy lives.

Expanding your comfort level

Have you ever heard the phrase “good enough”?  I want you to start using it.

When you think everything has to be done a certain way or with perfection, stop and say to yourself, “it’s good enough”.

Good enough doesn’t mean “less than”.  It also doesn’t mean haphazard, lazy, or irresponsible.  Now I know that “good enough” isn’t always actually good enough, especially if you’re a heart surgeon or airplane mechanic.  For day-to-day living, good enough, is good enough.  Carefully thinking out the outcome you want and with a good dose of common sense and self-confidence, you will be able to see that your best really is good enough and nothing more is needed to make it better.

This concept of “good enough” is going to be difficult for some of you because it is a change.  You will have to expand your comfort level. Change is uncomfortable but it doesn’t have to be.  As with any change you want to make, start with baby steps.  You don’t have to organize every closet and drawer in one day.  Tackle one drawer at a time and stop.  Rome wasn’t built in a day and trying to cram more than you are able or willing to do and once sets the frame for frustration and further procrastination.

Begin practicing the good enough concept and you will start to feel more relaxed, freer and with time to live the life you want and deserve.

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Gladys Anderson, founder of Coach for YOUR Dreams, is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and speaker. Gladys combines years of experience, training and a genuine commitment to helping nurses, teachers, therapists and other care giving women to set limits so they have more time, and energy to devote to self-care.

Fall into Action before 2009 Ends

With the crisp mornings and even cooler evenings here in New England, it seems we are fast approaching the end of another year.

The leaves have changed colors. The sky has taken on its winter hue. The frenzy of the holidays are fast approaching with just a few more weeks until the beginning of a new year!

Where did the time go? If you’re anything like me, you wonder how summer could have come and gone so quickly.

Speaking of how quickly things change…how much headway have you made toward accomplishing the changes you started out with at the beginning of  2009?

What promises did you make to yourself this year?

How are you doing with your exercise routine?

Where are you in finally getting rid of that clutter?

What ideas are still lingering somewhere in the recesses of your mind waiting to be implemented?

Are you still procrastinating, waiting for the right time, opportunity or circumstances…

If any of this rings true, you’re not alone…

Even with the end of the year looming, and the even busier holidays taking up more of your time and energy, you still have time to take some actions.

You can start today!

Why not use the last few weeks of the year to fall into action. Zero in on what you desire most. Make a list of your goals and set realistic plans to carry them out.

If you’ve already accomplished some goals this year, congratulations! But, if you’re still working on completing some goals, it’s not too late…

Here are 3 tips to get you started:

Get your Priorities in order – Only you know what a priority is for you. Maybe, it’s spending more quality time with your family, changing careers, becoming financially fit, or having more “Me” time. Whatever priority you have set for yourself, make sure it’s more than an item on your to do list.

Write it down – A goal not written down is just a wish. Wishing does not bring about results. Write out a list of the things you want to achieve within a specific time frame. Writing down your goals gives you a visual of what you can accomplish.

Take Action – Whatever goals you set for yourself will not be realized unless you put in place some action steps. Make sure you outline step by step the actions you need to take to reach your goals. Break each goal down into manageable steps you can take to get you where you want to go.

How will you fall into action before 2009 ends?  Please share your thoughts below.

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Gladys Anderson, founder of Coach for YOUR Dreams, is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and speaker. Gladys combines years of experience, training and a genuine commitment to helping nurses, teachers, therapists and other care giving women to set limits so they have more time, and energy to devote to self-care.

Stop the People-Pleasing Syndrome Dead in its Tracks

Pleasing others is not necessarily a bad thing. Considering the needs of others, graciousness and the willingness to help others are admirable traits.

For many people, the desire to please becomes a reliance on others for approval and acceptance, even when it restricts their own happiness and health. Constantly trying to gain acceptance, validation and approval is a detriment to relations, health and sabotages boundary making.

“As a people-pleaser, you feel controlled by your need to please others and addicted to their approval. At the same time, you feel out of control over the pressures and demands on your life that these needs have created” writes Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D., in The Disease to Please.

Consider the following statements to see if you can benefit from learning to say no to others more often—and yes to yourself.

“I put others’ needs before my own, even when the cost to me and my own happiness is great.”

“If someone needs my help, I can’t say no. In fact, I often find it difficult to say no. And when I do, I feel guilty.”

“To avoid reactions I’m afraid of, I often try to be who others want me to be, to agree with them, to fit in.”

If you can identify with any of the above statements, it may be time to take a look at how people pleasing impacts your life:

1) Are you looking for approval from others to increase your self-esteem?

2) Is validation you motivation for people pleasing?

3) Do you feel that you have to please others to get along with them?

4) Are you constantly saying yes, when you want to say no?

5) Are you hiding your real feelings when you say yes?

6) Do you think others will disapprove of you if you say no?

If any of the above resonates with you, I urge you to seriously consider what it is costing you to deny your feelings, desires and your own happiness.

Stop people pleasing and please yourself first!

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Gladys Anderson, founder of Coach for YOUR Dreams, is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and speaker. Gladys combines years of experience, training and a genuine commitment to helping nurses, teachers, therapists and other care giving women to set limits so they have more time, and energy to devote to self-care.

Top 3 Things You Can Do To Take Control of Your Life

There is so much in life we have little or no control over. You can’t control the weather or the sun rising or setting but the good news is there are many other things that you absolutely CAN control. Here are some of them:

1) Let Go of Expectations
Let go of the notion that you can change another person, their actions or non-actions. Your moral compass may not be the same as someone else’s. When you let go of the expectations you have of others, you can have more control of your own life. It opens up your mind to focus on your own life and more time to focus on what truly matters to YOU. When you let go of the expectations you have of others, you will no longer allow anyone to yank your chain causing knee-jerk reaction fraught with havoc, frustration and anxiety.

2) Know the Difference Between  Self-Confidence and Controlling.
Confidence means that you believe in your ability to set consistent limits, priorities and realistic expectations for yourself and others. To control means that you wish to manage the actions of others and/or the outcome of things around you. Remember, the only person you have any control over is YOU. As your confidence level grows, it will enable you to let go of outcomes of things that you have no control over in life.

3) Coach people how you want to be treated
A crucial step in having more control over your life is the ability to teach others how you wish to be treated. You don’t have any control over others’ actions; however, you do have control over how you “allow” others to treat you. If you find yourself constantly stressed by the things you allow other people to bring into your life, you may want to begin asking yourself, “is it worth having these people or things in my life any longer?” Make yourself a priority and you will find that others will treat you with the respect you deserve. Remember, no one can walk over you unless you willingly lie down.

Keeping these tips in mind will ensure that you stay focused and in control of you!

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Gladys Anderson, founder of Coach for YOUR Dreams, is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and speaker. Gladys combines years of experience, training and a genuine commitment to helping nurses, teachers, therapists and other care giving women to set limits so they have more time, and energy to devote to self-care.