I’ve Never Been to ME

When you think of a relationship do you think of the connection you have with your family, friends, money, co-workers and neighbors?

Of course you do.

But wait, don’t you also want to think about the loving healthy relationship you have with yourself? You do have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, don’t you?

Or what about the relationship you have with money, your emotional well being, your integrity and your values?

One of my favorite songs is “I’ve Never Been to Me” by Nancy Wilson. In the song, she sings about meeting kings, queens and all the dreams she’s deferred but never been free to be herself. At least that’s my take on the song.

A lot of people have the trappings of what society tells us is a successful life. Take the case of Charlie Sheen, the TV star of the hit comedy, Two and a Half Men. You may recall the train wreck that caused him to fall from grace and self destruct. He had the huge salary, dream homes with luxurious furnishings, fancy cars, jewelry, and exotic vacations. But none of these accessories and outward signs of success equated to happiness and personal freedom.

Ultimately, you and only you are in charge of your happiness and success. All the money in the world does not insure you are living a successful, content and productive life.

If you feel coerced into doing something that you don’t personally approve of, you’re chipping away at your personal freedom.

When you lack the courage to ask questions and speak up for what’s right, you slice away at your integrity.

The freedom you’re looking for won’t come from engaging in reckless behavior or living a life of the rich and famous. The freedom you seek is the freedom to be real, uncovering the  loving, brave and self-governed spirit that’s beneath all the outward signs of a happy and fulfilled life.

If you live an authentic life,  you’ll never have to bemoan the song, “I’ve Never Been to Me”.  If you do relate to the song,  it means you’ve lost touch with your core self – the part of you that can’t easily be persuaded to follow the crowd – the part of you that has a core value system that can’t be compromised.

When you can stand up for what you believe without apology and do what’s right, even if you have to risk distancing yourself from family, friends and colleagues, you show up as the “real you”.  Your beliefs, actions and values are in alignment and outer trappings of happiness and success do not sway you.

Keep in mind that the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.

How is the relationship you have with yourself?

To learn more and get your FREE  audios of 7 Daily Self Care Tips, I invite you to join our Self Care Circle at http://coachforyourdreams.com.

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other busy overwhelmed women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.

Stop to Smell the Roses While In Pursuit of Happiness

Stop to smell the roses

Are you waiting for your situation to change so you can be happy? Many people are waiting for that illusive dream to manifest, the great idea to be implemented, the new house, car or some other tangible evidence that says they are Happy.

Stop to smell the roses while in pursuit of happiness!

Happiness is a state of mind based on how worthy you feel, how deserving you think you are of good things coming your way.

Your internal critic (the negative messages received and embedded in your subconscious) may attempt to sabotage your happiness quotient which will in turn affect your level of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Self-confidence is the realistic and positive expectations you have for yourself, your abilities and others. Self-confident people exude a sense of control in their lives.

Self-esteem is what you think of yourself.  If you think you are insignificant, unworthy, devalued, that is the perception you will also present to the world. How you allow yourself to be treated and the way you show up to the world has the greatest impact on your self esteem. No one can make you a doormat unless you willingly lie down.

Your happiness depends on the expectations and mindset you have about how happy you are.

To quote the actress, Betty Davis – “You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation.”

Here are some tips to get your happy dance on…

  • Trust your feelings – Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, appreciating the memories and learning from the past.  Take time to experience to the utmost the little things that bring you joy.
  • Be grateful – Gratitude is a powerful state of mind.  It shifts your focus from lack to abundance and gives you a sense of contentment.
  • Lower your worry quotient – Worrying about things over which you have no control will overwhelm and deplete you. Concentrate on the things you have control over. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
  • Be flexible – Things will not always go the way you want but if you are adaptable, you won’t raise your blood pressure by trying to have it your way. Allow for a change in plans.
  • Stop to smell the roses – In our hurry up, multitasking and over scheduled lives, we don’t stop long enough to relax, dream and enjoy life’s simple pleasures.  Don’t add more things into your day than you can reasonably handle. Take time for a leisurely walk, read an uplifting book or sit quietly listening to your favorite tunes.

Moment by moment, you can make a choice to be happy.  More often than not, it’s the little things that annoy, frustrate and derail happiness.   Expect happiness, embrace it and stop to smell the roses along the way.

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. To get tips, start living out loud with enthusiasm, energy, passion, and self-confidence now, get your copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life

Can You Really Eat, Pray, Love Your Way to Happiness?

Eat, Pray, Love Your Way to HappinessI recently traveled across three countries on a delicious quest for enlightenment, purpose and passion. Actually, my journey took place from the comfortable seat in my local movie theater.  I tagged along with Julia Roberts, as Liz Gilbert, as she took me along on her search for spirituality, love and adventure in the movie, Eat, Pray, Love. It was quite a journey!

Without giving away too much, the movie revolved around Liz, a woman desperately looking to find out who she really was and what she wanted in her life. I enjoyed watching this incredible woman evolve over a period of 12 months as she ate, loved and prayed her way across the world. I couldn’t help but wonder, if you can really Eat, Pray, Love Your Way To Happiness?I’m not so sure you need to traverse across three countries to find happiness.  But, I do believe that joyfulness comes from within and opens your eyes to the beauty of infinite possibilities and an amazingly fulfilling life. In lieu of taking a journey across the world, here are some things you can do on your local pilgrimage to happiness:

  • Take responsibility – Realize, at the end of the day, you are the only one responsible for you own happiness.  Allowing others to dictate how you life is orchestrated, makes for unhappiness and restlessness. Make choices based on what you desire most, not what you think you “should” do.
  • Be honest with Yourself – If you honestly don’t want to do something – then don’t.  Don’t say things that aren’t true to yourself or others.  Speaking truthfully builds integrity and a foundation for cultivating confidence.
  • Self-Explore – What are your values?  What do you really want? How do you want to live your life?  These are questions that will get to the root of your happiness.  Ask them of yourself often until you’re comfortable with the answers. Some people find prayer and meditation helpful when they are seeking answers.
  • Do what you love – I once heard someone say, “Just because you can do anything doesn’t mean you can do everything”.  Engage in activities that bring you joy. Dust off a hobby that you put on the shelf eons ago and start being creative again.  If, it’s adventure you crave, plan one and go for it!  Nothing is outside your reach if you are passionate about it.

How will you start to Eat, Pray, Love your way to happiness!

For tips and tools about setting strong boundaries, clearing more time in your busy schedule for self-care and living a harmonious life then I invite you to get a copy of my book, Master the Genie Within: Uncover, Embrace and Celebrate the Real You.

Look Within to Find Your Way Home

Do you recall the characters from the Wizard of Oz?

They all thought something was missing from their lives and they just had to find the missing piece …

  • Dorothy dreamed of finding her way home to Kansas
  • The Tin Man thought he would be happy if he only had a heart
  • The Scarecrow believed he would be happy when he had a brain
  • The Cowardly lion thought he would find happiness with some courage

Just as a lot of us do, they all were looking for answers outside of themselves.  And is most often the case, all we need is already is within our reach.

The characters in the Wizard of Oz thought they didn’t have what they needed to be happy.

In case you need a gentle reminder from your friendly wizard about what it takes to get unstuck, joyful, courageous, and confident, here are a few things to think about:

  • When you can’t find your true self and feel lost, clear your mind of limiting thoughts.  Open yourself us to the answers that are deep within you. The more open you are to receiving the answers, the more of your authentic self will be uncovered. Sometimes you may need the help of a wise wizard to get you on your way.
  • Fear is a limiting emotion when it keeps you stuck thinking the same negative thoughts about what you can or cannot do.  Start with baby steps until you are comfortable taking larger steps that will get the results you want.
  • Live your dream. You dream is uniquely yours.  No one can take away your dream or live it. If you know deep inside there is something you want to do, you may need the support of a coach or trusted friend to help you sort out all the pieces.
  • Think positive, affirming thoughts to ward off negativity and doubt about what you are capable of doing.

Remember, the only thing that kept Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow from getting what they wanted was their own thoughts. Change how you think and the solutions you desire will be evident.

What thoughts are holding you back from finding your way home?

Share your thoughts, observations, and comments…I would love to hear from you.

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Gladys Anderson is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, author and speaker. Gladys combines years of experience, training and a genuine commitment to helping individuals and couples to receive and revive the love, passion, respect and fun that’s been missing from their relationships.

In Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony – Gandhi

Most people expend a great amount of time looking for happiness in all the wrong places . They chase dreams rather than live dreams. Their lives are stimulated only by addictions, religions, and even other people in a futile attempt to fill the void with purpose and meaning. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.

Happiness is a state of mind based on how worthy you feel. How you feel about yourself is a direct result of the accumulated experiences you have had, particular growing up.  For instance, if you grew up being made to feel worthy, valued, loved, protected and respected, most likely you feel happier.

On the other hand, if your experiences led you to feeling unworthy, unloved and disrespected, you may be unhappy, have low self esteem, weak boundaries and lack confidence.

Your internal critic (the negative messages received and embedded in your subconscious) may attempt to sabotage your happiness quotient which will in turn affect your level of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Self confidence is the realistic and positive expectations you have for yourself, your abilities and others. Self confident people exude a sense of control in their lives.

Self esteem is what you think of yourself.  If you think you are insignificant, unworthy, devalued, that is the perception you will also present to the world. How you allow yourself to be treated and the way you show up to the world has the greatest impact on your self esteem. No one can make you a doormat unless you willingly lie down.

Fear is another negative influence that dictates how you feel, think and interact in your relationships with others.  Each time, you don’t speak up for what you deserve, want and need, you allow fear to rule.  Fear is an emotion and one that you have complete control over.  Your choices are to let fear rule or you rule fear.  Fear is the biggest obstacle to growth and change.

Procrastinating and putting off needed actions you believe you must take, is acknowledging that you really don’t have the necessary confidence to carry them out.

Your happiness depends on the expectations and mindset you have about happiness.

To quote the actress, Betty Davis – “You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation.”

Here are some tips to get your happy dance on…

  • Maintain a sense of humor; everything is not a matter of life or death. Try to find the humor in stressful situations.
  • Lower your worry quotient.  Worrying about things over which you have no control will overwhelm and deplete you. Concentrate on the things you have control over. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you must worry, allow yourself 5 minutes to dwell on the situation and move on to something more productive.
  • Be flexible.  Things will not always go the way you want but if you are adaptable, you won’t raise your blood pressure by trying to have it your way. Allow for a change in plans.
  • Schedule wisely. Don’t add more things into your day than you can reasonably handle.  Over scheduling leads to frustration, anger and resentment.  Avoid it. Set clear boundaries around your time.
  • Happiness is a series of choices you make that determine how you react or respond to a given situation.  Remember, no one but you can determine your happiness.  Make wise choices based on the things that are important to you.
  • Set realistic  expectations for yourself and others. Make sure your expectations aren’t rooted in faulty beliefs based on negative experiences.

 

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

About the Author:

Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist.  Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries,  build balance and create breathing space in their busy lives.