5 Ways You Can Live the Life You Deserve

Couple having fun on beachYou’re entitled to live the life you deserve unencumbered by the perceptions others have of you.  “What others think of you is none of your business,” says Byron Katie, best selling author of the book, Loving What is. If only we could embrace that truth, our lives would be filled with less drama and confusion.

Recently I spoke to someone who had formed a flawed perception of who I really am based on misinformation, opinions of others and experiences that had nothing to do with me.

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end that kind of behavior, you know exactly what it’s like.

I haven’t always been able or willing to decode others’ perceptions or understand how they feel about themselves is a direct reflection of their interaction with me. Fortunately, I’m now at a place in my life where I can receive this kind assessment, process it, possibly engage in honest conversation and move on.

“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drown your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” – Steve Jobs

The above quote by Steve Jobs is an important reminder to live life the life you deserve, every day without censorship or based on what someone else thinks about you.

When we avoid or deny our deepest yearnings and allow faulty perceptions formed by other people to derail our deepest desires, we chip away at the core of who we really are.

Here are 5 ways you can live the life you deserve:

1. Create your bucket list. A bucket list is a starting point for you to list all the joyful, exciting, and interesting things you want to experience and achieve in your life. It doesn’t matter if no one wants to share your adventure. I still haven’t found anyone willing to join me on a hot air balloon ride. That’s not going to stop me, though. You may have something a little less daring than a hot air balloon ride on your bucket list but it doesn’t matter as long as it’s something that peaks your interest and YOU want to do it.

2. Look at the glass as half full – not half empty. How you perceive things and a positive attitude goes a long way towards living a fulfilled life. We filter everything and everyone through our perceptions. And our perceptions are formed by our personal experiences, beliefs, interpretations and expectations about others and ourselves.

3. Visualize your future. Imagine what you want your life to be like one year from now, three years from now and five years from now. Put your vision on paper. Develop a plan of action to get you where you want to be.

4. Get out of your comfort zone. If you’re stuck in a predictable routine or comfort zones, stretch yourself to try new things. Take a class, travel, rearrange your surroundings, get rid of clutter, volunteer or mentor a child.

5. Let go. There are two ways I look at letting go.  One is getting rid of tangible things that are no longer useful or serve a purpose.  And, the other is letting go of the mental clutter like limiting beliefs that prevent you from living the life you deserve and want.  Whenever you’re surrounded by clutter – mental or physical – your ability to move forward and make meaningful change is severely limited.

And, to learn even more about how you can live the life you deserve, I invite you to get my latest book, Master the Genie Within: Uncover, Embrace and Celebrate the Real You.

5 Positive Attitude Tips

Attitude is everything image

Each day you get to decide the kind of attitude you will have. You can soar above the clouds of negativity and make a conscious choice to either complain or be grateful. Instead of bemoaning the fact that it is raining, be thankful that you are supplied with water to feed the grass.

When your attitude is out of order, so is everything else – your relationships, your work, your life. Here are some tips to help restore order to your attitude and harmony to your life:

• Eliminate negative words from you vocabulary. The words “can’t, and “don’t” suggest a sense of hopelessness and distress. Instead, use positive words like “I can”, “I will”, and “I am” to lift your thoughts to a higher altitude and help you to dwell more in possibilities.

• Don’t Complain. Each day, show gratitude for what you already have rather than complaining about what’s lacking in your life. Focus more on abundance than scarcity.

• Face challenges head on. Turn your challenges into opportunities to grow. When faced with a difficult situation, ask yourself “what can I learn from this?”

• Take control of what you think. If you think of something as impossible, it will be impossible. When you dwell in the pit of despair, you thinking will keep you there.

• Don’t waste time worrying. Worrying is a useless emotion that consumes your energy. Step back from the situation and recognize when there is nothing you can do to change things.

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry the load” – Lena Horne

You are the sculptor and you get to mold your attitude and how your day goes.  Use your positive attitude to shape a wonderful day free of negativity, guilt and worry.

To get some support around structuring your thoughts and restoring a positive attitude, you may want to get a copy of Master the Genie With: Uncover, Embrace and Celebrate the Real You.

In Pursuit of Happiness

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony – Gandhi

Most people expend a great amount of time looking for happiness in all the wrong places . They chase dreams rather than live dreams. Their lives are stimulated only by addictions, religions, and even other people in a futile attempt to fill the void with purpose and meaning. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.

Happiness is a state of mind based on how worthy you feel. How you feel about yourself is a direct result of the accumulated experiences you have had, particular growing up.  For instance, if you grew up being made to feel worthy, valued, loved, protected and respected, most likely you feel happier.

On the other hand, if your experiences led you to feeling unworthy, unloved and disrespected, you may be unhappy, have low self esteem, weak boundaries and lack confidence.

Your internal critic (the negative messages received and embedded in your subconscious) may attempt to sabotage your happiness quotient which will in turn affect your level of self-confidence and self-esteem.

Self confidence is the realistic and positive expectations you have for yourself, your abilities and others. Self confident people exude a sense of control in their lives.

Self esteem is what you think of yourself.  If you think you are insignificant, unworthy, devalued, that is the perception you will also present to the world. How you allow yourself to be treated and the way you show up to the world has the greatest impact on your self esteem. No one can make you a doormat unless you willingly lie down.

Fear is another negative influence that dictates how you feel, think and interact in your relationships with others.  Each time, you don’t speak up for what you deserve, want and need, you allow fear to rule.  Fear is an emotion and one that you have complete control over.  Your choices are to let fear rule or you rule fear.  Fear is the biggest obstacle to growth and change.

Procrastinating and putting off needed actions you believe you must take, is acknowledging that you really don’t have the necessary confidence to carry them out.

Your happiness depends on the expectations and mindset you have about happiness.

To quote the actress, Betty Davis – “You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation.”

Here are some tips to get your happy dance on…

  • Maintain a sense of humor; everything is not a matter of life or death. Try to find the humor in stressful situations.
  • Lower your worry quotient.  Worrying about things over which you have no control will overwhelm and deplete you. Concentrate on the things you have control over. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you must worry, allow yourself 5 minutes to dwell on the situation and move on to something more productive.
  • Be flexible.  Things will not always go the way you want but if you are adaptable, you won’t raise your blood pressure by trying to have it your way. Allow for a change in plans.
  • Schedule wisely. Don’t add more things into your day than you can reasonably handle.  Over scheduling leads to frustration, anger and resentment.  Avoid it. Set clear boundaries around your time.
  • Happiness is a series of choices you make that determine how you react or respond to a given situation.  Remember, no one but you can determine your happiness.  Make wise choices based on the things that are important to you.
  • Set realistic  expectations for yourself and others. Make sure your expectations aren’t rooted in faulty beliefs based on negative experiences.

 

Gladys Anderson – Life Coach, Therapist, Author

About the Author:

Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist.  Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries,  build balance and create breathing space in their busy lives.